It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
