took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my vag is so smooth its legendary
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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