very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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