I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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