I faked an abortion last night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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