Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
