I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
