i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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