Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
