Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
