We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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