Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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