Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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