it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
