This is not my ceiling
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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