Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
