Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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