literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
