I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
