member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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