When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
thus making me awesome and them whores
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
