Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
