You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
