I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
