ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
