I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
