While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
