This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
