so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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