Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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