closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
