I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
