our cab driver is having phone sex.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
