Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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