last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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