i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
