bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
