if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
