Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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