Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
