mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't think brook has ever known best
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
