we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
