would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
They have beer where we have blood.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
