I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
