Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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