With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
