hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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