My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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