so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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