apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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