At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
