Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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