i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I want to be your penis for a week.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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