I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
