I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
