She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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