Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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