Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
