I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
