I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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