ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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