Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
