with your own penis?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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